According to an Opinionway survey conducted in March 2017, 82% of French people find moving house stressful. Indeed, it disrupts habits and always brings its own set of unforeseen events to deal with... especially when you move with your children! It's not always easy to get them to understand why you're moving, and to get them to accept it. Switch Up gives you some advice to help you get through this not always easy time.
Inform your children as soon as possible of your future move, and explain why it is necessary. It's important to be honest with them: their life will change too! Don't underestimate your child's ability to understand, even if you have to adapt to their age.
Take the time tolisten to his fears, and respond to them. Is he afraid of losing his friends? Tell him that you will write to them, exchange photos, and that they will be able to come home on holiday. Tell him about the positive aspects of his new life: a bigger house, a room all to himself, a garden to play outside... things will change, but for the better!
There are books in children's literature about moving house that can help your child. They play down questions that your child may have, but also deal with aspects that you may not have thought of and that are likely to affect them. There are books for all ages and they can help you find the right words to talk to your child.
Moving to an unfamiliar city is always frightening, so if you can, introduce your child to the new place before the move. Introduce him to the neighbourhood, the school, the park... Making this new place a known place is a big step forward. If you are not yet familiar with the place, you can take one of our ambassadors on a tour. It is always easier to know the parks, walks, activities and to have the opinion of a parent with children in the same age group.
Moving house means packing boxes, so let him do it with you! He will be able to sort through his games, but don't force him to throw away too much: he should be able to keep a familiar environment. Write his name on his boxes with him to reassure him that he will soon find his things in his new room. It can also be useful to involve him in part of the moving day.
This will make the change real: there is no turning back, the old house is empty... let's go and set up the new one! However, if he is too small to participate, try to leave him in your care for part of the day: if he is in your pasta, this may create additional stress for everyone.
A change of address often means losing friends, but it is also an opportunity to make new ones. Enrol your child in school, in sports, take him to the park or the swimming pool... in short, in all the places where he can meet other children. However, don't cut ties with his old friends abruptly: the change will come naturally, gently. Going to meet children his own age is also an excellent way for you to start creating a new circle of acquaintances.
Go back to your old house! For him and for you, this house will always be full of memories, even after the move. Don't hesitate to return from time to time!
7, 13 and 18 are the most sensitive ages for a move.
Younger children are reassuredby the stability of a preservedfamily unit. The external environment, the house or the school may change, but as long as the family organisation and siblings are preserved, the child feels comforted by his or her main emotional source. They are more likely to be affected by the lack of availability of their parent, who is busy with preparations, than by the change in their living environment. Some changes in their direct environment, such as their room or food, may nevertheless disturb them. Finding familiar objects such as cuddly toys and games reassures them. It is therefore important to try to maintain family routines as much as possible, as these have a reassuring effect on the youngest children.
From a psychological point of view, when the move does not go well, sleep, eating and behavioural problems may appear, with an increase in angry, anxious or sad behaviour. Regression in toilet training or language acquisition may also occur. Initially, the child needs to be reassured and special time is required, as well as patience so that new habits can be established.
According to a recent Cambridge University study by Katie Mace, age 7 is a particularly sensitive age. School-age children, from 5 to 10 years old, are moving away from the family cocoon to invest in the world. They are mainly mobilised by the development of social bonds, by the discovery of the world around them and by the acquisition of new knowledge. They will be greatly affected by the loss of their loved ones and by the transformation of their living environment. Changing schools and playmates, changing languages, and changing social rules is particularly anxiety-provoking. Highlighting the benefits of expatriation can help them to accept the positive aspects. They also need to feel that they are an active part of the project: do not hesitate to ask them how they wish to participate in this adventure!
The signs of ill-being to be monitored concern social relations (withdrawal, fear of reaching out to others), behaviour (gloominess, lack of energy, mutism, lack of interest, anger, opposition). It can also be school investment (rejection of school, drop in grades, integration difficulties), and psychosomatic disorders (fatigue, pain, migraines, sleep disorders, anxiety). Psychological support to help the transition may sometimes be necessary.
Adolescence is a phase of change and questioning in normal times, and geographical mobility adds to this already busy period!
The change is not only that of self in relation to self but also self in relation to others. Just as they were investing in their social network in order to detach themselves from their parents, a move makes them lose both their place in the community and their autonomy. The question then becomes: "How do I know who I am when not only my body, my thoughts, but also my world changes?
Psychologically, the signs of difficulties are on a narcissistic level (loss of self-confidence, doubts about personal value, inhibition, social withdrawal), behavioural (aggressive attitude, marginalisation, opposition, mood swings, emotionality). Unfortunately, there is a risk of significant suffering, more or less hidden, which can lead to risky behaviour or depressive states if support is not found in time.
The pursuit of education sometimes leads to international separations. These young adults who go abroad to study not only leave the family nest at a very early age, but also have to deal with more or less significant socio-cultural changes, a great sense of responsibility, early independence and a relative maturity, which may cause them some difficulties in adapting
It's clear: between the "that's the way it is" and the twenty-five sessions with the child therapist to cushion a possible shock, there is a middle ground. The questions of the little ones will be echoed by the older ones, the wording is just a little different.
A little time with each one, to clear the ground and even if you have doubts about your psychological talents, it is essential to prepare these changes as a family and to remain united...One of the keys to success is to succeed in working as a team together!
Are you afraid that you won't be able to manage everything on your own? You don't know your new city and don't know how to make it attractive for your children?Call on our ambassadors! They can help you discover the city, find the house of your dreams, carry out the administrative procedures... but also prepare the arrival of your children ! They can help you choose a school, a gym or a swimming club. They can even do the legwork for you! In this way, your children will be able to arrive in the best possible conditions... and so will you! To find out more, contact us or visit www.switch-up.fr
